Ben’s Profile Journey: Week 4, A Flood of Hunger
Hi, Ben here, and I’m embarking on a mission to not be fat when I turn 42. To do that I’ve partnered with Profile by Sanford and I want to take you with me on my journey.
Alright, something exciting happened yesterday. I noticed that my pants were baggy. Nothing big, but I was walking down a hall at the radio station and noticed that I needed to pull up my pants! I haven’t had that problem in forever. Next thing you know I’ll be moving to the next hole in my belt.
I know that might not seem like a huge deal, and after this last week, I’ll take it. I’m still above 300, but my weight is still moving in the right direction. Look at the graph, or is it a chart. Are graphs and chart interchangeable terms? Once again my apathy during high school math classes bites in the behind. Either way, look at the line, it’s going down.
But, let me tell you about my week.
Remember a few weeks ago when I was talking about how eating junk had become my form of self medication? I was smacked in the face by that reality again. We had health scare in my family this week. Turned out to not be a big deal and everyone is fine, but it all started with a lot of unknowns and questions. Which lead to tests, and waiting for test results. Everything, and all the professionals involved were spectacular and we got answers quickly. It’s just hard to wait your turn when you’re a little bit scared.
This started with a doctor’s office visit on Monday. While nervously waiting, I was flooded with hunger. I was suddenly hungry like I was a character in The Road wishing to stumble on a forgotten soda in a decaying pop-machine. Sitting in the waiting room I wanted to eat every doughnut in the county and bath in sugar-glaze.
Luckily, I have been doing Profile long enough that my rational brain recognized what was happening. I knew that I had eaten on plan all day so. I know that when I’m on the plan I don’t get hungry like I use to. So I knew my body did need anything extra. It was my worry that was trying to put in a to-go order.
I had noticed this happening since I started Profile and have been more self-aware of what my body’s needs and what my emotions are demanding. But, this was the worst so far.
The self-awareness helped, but it was still hard and I was thankful that I wasn’t around any food when this hit. Also, I was there in a support roll so I could focus on that, and after we saw the doc my nerves calmed and the phantom hunger evaporated.
What this really highlighted for me is how closely connected my eating, and weight, have become to my emotions. In times of stress I want calories. Well, I guess it makes sense. When our brains were evolving times of stress were long winters without fresh food or a long hunt where more energy was needed. Those extra calories won’t help me with my modern stresses. I don’t need to load up on calories to balance a checkbook or deal with difficult situations.
All that together is again part of what I love about Profile; I am learning to eat healthy. To eat like a 40 year-old man who spends most of his time inside at a computer. That means building my self-awareness. I am doing that with the help of my coach. So on weeks like this, when I feel like giving up to shut that part of my brain up; and I’m not dropping as fast as I want; I’ll sit and talk to Erika, get it out of my head. She’ll remind me that I’m OK, and not a weirdo, and we’ll talk about the next week and what I can do to overcome the next challenge. Or, in my case, how I can get out of my own way.