If you suspect your partner is unfaithful, clinical sexologist Kristie Overstreet, author of Fix Yourself First: 25 Tips to Stop Ruining Your Relationships, says there are signs that could indicate your better half is cheating!

“Your partner may be emotionally distant. Maybe they’re not connecting with you. You feel there is space between the two of you. You want to explore that feeling. Check in with them. Ask the questions ‘is there anything going on? Is there anything I need to know. I’m feeling this way. I’m wondering if you’re feeling this way.’ Get the person’s feedback.”

“One of the other signs may be a lack if intimacy and a lack of wanting to be around you. The other thing there may be an excess of money being spent or money disappearing. These signs don’t necessarily mean the person may be cheating. But, they are red flags. If some of them are happening over time it’s definitely worth a conversation.”

So, why do people cheat?

“What I find in working with couples is that people cheat because they don’t feel they are getting the attention and needs met in a relationship. That doesn’t mean the partner is totally responsible. One of the other reasons that people stray from their committed relationships is because they are not feeling valued enough. They try to get the validation by going outside the relationship. They want something different to do. Maybe they have an interest in another person. It may not be obvious at first. There are a lot of reasons that lead people to stray. Those are just some of the common ones.”

Although it’s been said once a cheater always a cheater, Kristie offers this response.

“I don’t agree with this at all. In my work with couples, I have found some people that strayed outside of their relationship have not done it again. Then I have clients that cheat multiple times. I think it goes back to this: what does a cheating partner willing to do? Are they motivated to take the action to repair the relationship? I have found that some of the people that are not motivated to want to change are highly likeable they will cheat again. But, not every cheater cheats more than once.”

If you’re in a relationship with a cheater, Kristie shares this advice.

“The biggest piece of advice I can give is this: go get help for yourself. Find a way to heal through this. It’s not your responsibility to fix your cheating partner. I would encourage you not to automatically jump out of the relationship. You want to put some thought into it. You look at what your options are and have done your own healing whether it’s in a spiritual area through a church or through therapy. It’s important that you heal as a person. If you don’t get that healing now it will come back later in life and be a greater detriment to you. It’s important to speak up to the cheating partner and let them know your feelings and how you were harmed in the process.”

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