I Like My Eggs a Certain Way, Because Other Ways are Wrong

I love eggs. They are probably my single favorite food item. It's an entree, a side dish, an ingredient, or a tool of vandalism.

There's a bunch of different ways to make eggs as a menu item themselves. You've heard of them all no doubt, but most of them wrong. And I don't mean wrong as in incorrect or immoral, just that it's not how I like them made.

Here's how I do it and confusingly why I like it this way.

My eggs must be served with hash browns. If time is short I will settle for toast, but I prefer hash browns. I'm even picky on those, probably just because of what I started with. So I make a batch of hash browns in a smallish 8 inch teflon coated frying pan on the largest burner. My eggs go in a the larger 10-12 inch pan that goes on a smaller burner. Why the hell do I do that? We have a flat top electric stove. It takes forever to get the right amount of low heat on those things. Higher heat is easy as hell to achieve. I saw Martha Stewart on Craig Ferguson's old late night show (I think, could have been a different show) making eggs. She said you want to cook them on low heat.

(You hear that restaurant omelette station guys and gals, low and slow, don't boil the omelette until crispy!)

So while the big pan is still heating I start cooking my hash browns. Cover the bottom of the pan in olive oil and throw in two handfuls of HyVee brand frozen Country Style Hash Browns. I prefer these because the strands are long.

I cover the hash browns to hasten the thawing process. Only a couple of minutes. Then I uncover them, flatten them with my flipper, and let them continue to fry, checking the bottom periodically until the are dark golden brown.

Then I whip up my eggs. Three eggs and a couple splashes of skim milk mixed well with a mechanical hand mixer. Faster and easier than electric. As my hash browns are just about ready to flip, I spray the egg pan with cooking spray and pour in the eggs. Next I put a liberal dusting of fresh cracked pepper on the scrambled up eggs, a fairly coarse grind is what I like for this. Then I cover the eggs and let them cook.

Now I flip the hash browns. Usually by sliding them onto a plate, and then covering the plate with the pan and flipping them back over. This works better than a flipper in my old pan.

Now I slice cheese to go on my eggs. Once the liquid eggs mixture is no longer liquid, I flip the eggs on the pan and put the cheese on it with a cover again to quickly melt the cheese. Once the second side of hash browns is cooked enough I will put them on my plate and add a little dab of olive oil to the hash brown pan. I then briefly fry some baby spinach and throw it on the melted cheese in the egg pan.

Now it's done. I fold over the eggs, sprinkle some salt on the hash browns because I always forget to do so sooner than right before putting the eggs on, and then put the sort-of omelette/giant egg taco on top of the circular bed of hash browns.

BOOM! DONE! I love it.