How to Spot a Sioux Falls Hipster
The hipster. What is it? Like the goth kids of the 80s and the grunge kids of the 90s (represent!) and the goth kids of the 90s, and the goth kids of the 2000s; hipsters are the identified by the trends that that one cousin you have follow.
It involves a torrent of fads handed down from Brooklyn and Silverlake, Austin and Madison. Standards for facial hair, beer brewing, coffee concocting, bike gears and what to like sincerely and what to like ironically.
As is often our way, Sioux Falls has put it's own twist on the hipster style. Yes the glasses, sweaters, knitting and beards are there, but 605 hipsters have their own flavor. Here's how you can spot a Sioux Falls Hipster in the wild.
1) Diploma from a small town school.
Chances are the Sioux Falls hipster didn't go to high school in Sioux Falls. They started their journey to epic mustache groomer cheering at nine-man football games. And they can tell you what an auger does.
2) Do Not Have Their Own Mobile Phone Plan.
Oh, they have the latest smart phone, most likely a fruit based device. But, chances are said device is connected to their parents plan. Probably part of some trade agreement where the hip kid will not block mom on Facebook in return for the financing of their required streaming playlists. Same often goes for Netflix accounts, HBO GO, credit cards, cars, leases.
3) Useless Collection of Vinyl.
In accordance with an edict handed down from the lawgiver; they have a large, useless collection of vinyl. A record player is not necessary as long as you have that Johnny Cash album where he does that Trent Reznor song. What is required is memorizing and reciting the approved comments about vinyl's superior, warm sound.
4) Ridiculously Specific Coffee and Beer Opinions.
You can identify the SF hipster by the sounds of their call: "Oh, I only get coffee at this place because blah, blah...," I never hear the rest because by the time they finish their spiel I've already got my coffee and moved on with my day.
You can also spot them staring at the beer case at the grocery store, trying to decide which overpriced six pack will communicate their hipsterness best at the Girls viewing party.
5) Won't Shut Up About How Cool Omaha and Minneapolis are, but is Secretly Really Scared to go There.
Oh man, they love Omaha and Minneapolis. They always find a way to bring up that their uncle lives there and that one time they saw a concert there. They can't wait to tell you how bogus it is that Sioux Falls doesn't have a Trader Joe's. Those chips with the South African seasoning are so good, you guys.
What they always leave out of their cities talk, is how scared they were to leave their hotel in Omaha after 6:00 PM. Or how they always beg their uncle to please, please, please drive from Eden Prairie to drop them off and pick them up at the Target Center.