The Midnight Writer

Kumail Nanjiani is more than fine with never being the person in charge.

Summer vacation is the greatest time in a kid's life. No school. No bullies. No teachers. No worries.

The cherry red 1964 Chevy made famous in the 1994 classic 'Pulp Fiction' is coming home to owner Quentin Tarantino. The ride was stolen from outside Tarantino's house back in 1995 and was recovered last week after the arrest of a suspected classic car thief.

Ever frequent a restaurant just for the deserts? I'm talking about places more decadent than Friendly's and their Fribble. Sugar and Plumm is that kind of joint. Sure, the food is great too, but the deserts are like an outtake from Willy Wonka's wet dreams...

Polly was crazy. I wasn’t positive of this until my father, never one to mince words or use words to speak unkindly about another person, called to say, “Son, I think Polly is crazy.”

A few days ago, Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk said on the Dan Patrick Show that teams interested in drafting Manti Te'o were concerned if he was gay. Te'o has publicly said he's not, even if people think he does run like a girl. This information was just one more instance of the homophobic and intolerant, but fairly obvious culture, of the NFL.

In the heat of argument, people sometimes say some dumb things. For example, I once got in an disagreement with a coworker and told him that I was going to piss in his coffee. I didn't mean to say that. I meant to say "in his desk drawer" but it was all cleared up the next day when he reached into his desk drawer. He was so surprised he spit out the cup of piss I made him!

Courtney Lenz, a five year veteran of the Baltimore Ravens cheerleading squad, is claiming the team left her off the trip to the Super Bowl because of her "slight weight gain." Oh deer! Sorry, I meant dear. Force of habit with this squad.

Remember Sam Gordon, the 9-year-old female version of Tecmo Bo Jackson? So does NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. Her Pee Wee football highlight reel and gaudy season stats got the attention of NFL executives. She was invited to the Super Bowl in New Orleans after hanging out with Goodell at a Giants game.

In this teaser for Discovery channel's upcoming documentary series Africa — which premieres January 8th — two giraffe go absolutely bonkers on one another.