Business Insider posted an article last week about how we are all charging our phones incorrectly. The problem with all of the "experts" they cite is not that they are wrong, but they are completely stupid ideas that the average adult doesn't have time for.

First they cite a battery company that says batteries have stress and, "like for humans, extended stress could be damaging your smartphone battery's long-term lifespan." I don't question that that is true, but does anyone give a damn about the stress of an inanimate object? When is the last time a batter had to pay bills or deal with screaming kids or have their boss yell at them? Maybe if batteries got trophies when they were little AAA's they could handle the stress better.

Don't keep it plugged in when it's fully charged

Again, probably sage advice. But does "Battery University" actually expect me to set an alarm to wake up and unplug my phone? You are high, Battery University. As evidence of how potent the weed they are bonging is, they suggest removing the battery from your phone after it is charged. But batteries are not removable from most phones these days. Again, you're drunk, go home, Battery U.

Try not to charge it to 100%

Again, Battery University says: "Li-ion does not need to be fully charged, nor is it desirable to do so. In fact, it is better not to fully charge, because a high voltage stresses the battery." Here's the problem with that: I need a fully charged battery. I don't really give a cat's crap about how Li-ion feels about that. I'm going to fall asleep, plug in my phone, and let it charge all the way.

Plug in your phone whenever you can

Okay, finally something from B.U. that isn't completely stupid in a real world application. I often go up to my office and plug in my phone to top it off. This actually keeps your battery performing well. Yay, me! (and battery). But if it is bad to leave my phone plugged in, but plugging it in every time it hits 90% is okay, then is just leaving it unplugged to discharge and use up all of its power like starving it to death?

Keep it cool

Don't let you phone get too hot. Like most things. Got it.

Now I have this new knowledge, will apply it? Probably not. Because I don't care about my phone batteries feelings, I'm not waking up at 11pm every night to unplug the phone, and I am not going to give my phone a steady feeding of charger cord every five hours. I'm just going to use my phone and cuss at it when the battery is dead. You know, as if it can hear me and can listen because it has feelings.

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