The Truth About Butterball’s ‘Cook From Frozen’ Turkey

"Life, uh, finds a way" ~ Ian Malcolm

You know the situation: it's late Tuesday before Thanksgiving; and between finding enough chairs for guests, sandblasting the boogers off of last year's 'kids table', and drooling over upcoming Black Friday deals, you forgot to take the turkey out of the freezer to thaw. Those T-giving Meal Centerpieces take 3 or more days to thaw, and you can't (safely) rush that kind of thing. Besides, they rarely fit in the microwave.

The company named after a turkey's mammaries - Butterball - uh, found a way.

Butterball Saves Us Slackers With: the 'Cook From Frozen' Turkey

If you're not a fan of touching raw meat, this is for you.

If you're not a fan of removing necks and giblets, this is for you.

If you're okay with being a major disappointment to Bob Belcher, this is for you.

Butterball's 'Cook From Frozen' turkey even comes pre-brined. Unwrap it, brush some oil on it, and cook it.

And it only needs to cook for about five hours. Butterball claims it's their "specially formulated brine". I wonder what Post Malone thinks it is...

THE BAD NEWS: you can't stuff this turkey, which - in some families and/or cults - is sacrilegious and grounds for disowning. But let's be real: if you're resorting to a "Cook From Frozen" turkey, you were planning on making Stove Top stuffing anyway.

Butterball even has a hotline for you to call. Check out the video below:

You should also witness just why Bob Belcher will be so disappointed in you for buying this, even though you KNOW that Gene would wolf it down.

Aaaaaand for legal reasons you get to watch Post Malone dance:

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H/T: Today