White House Rejects Petition for Death Star
NOTE – This is not satire, this is a real story.
A man in Longmont, CO is not getting what he petitioned for. Because of that, the White House has changed policy.
On the White House website citizens can start a petition for the government or the president to change something. These petitions have no legal merit, they are just a way for people to communicate their thoughts to the president. Previously, the Obama administration promised to respond to any petition that received at least 25,000 signatures. The number of signatures has now been raised to 100,000 after a petition received over 32,000 signatures and called for the construction of a fictional space station. The anonymous petitioner, who called himself John D in the petition, proposed that the U.S. government build a Death Star by 2016.
The Death Star, which is no moon, it’s a space station, appeared as the finished climactic Rebel target at the end of Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope and an incomplete project at the end of Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi. An effective weapon and base, it’s primary offensive weapon is a superlaser capable of of destroying targets as large as a planet. It is defended by an estimated 15,000 turbolasers, ion turbolaser batteries, along with 768 tractor beams and a squadron of 7,000 – 9,000 TIE Fighter space craft. It is also a product of George Lucas’ imagination and is not real.
The best part of this failed petition story was the official White House response. They got the joke and gave a practical, yet amusing reply. The three primary reasons for denial of the petition, written by Paul Shawcross, are:
- The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000 ($850 quadrillion). We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
- The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
- Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?
If you want to have fun at the expense of a White House staffer’s time, you’ll have to get a lot more signatures in the future.