Week 1: No Fat 40: The Quest to Wear My Cool T-Shirts Again

After my first week of my No Fat 40 Challenge: The Quest to Wear My Cool T-Shirts Again (read the intro here) I have two things to report.

1) I'm sore. I thought I'd been exercising before I started this. But, it seems that I was sorely mistakes, See that sore/sorely? (sigh). And exhausted. But, it's a good tired, and my head is clearer when I exercise. There has really been an amazingly quick effect on the anxiety from the exercise. This is one of the annoying aspects of this whole thing. The anxiety and resulting depressions and stuff are at the core of the weight gain and what stopped me from acting. It's like it's own weird self preservation, as if the anxiety is a parasite infecting my body. It demands that I not move around too much and fill up with junk so it can survive. But, as strong as it's grip feels, it is broken surprisingly easy. I'm not discounting the help of medication, that stopped the fire from burning everything down. The exercise seems to be the key to putting the fire out.

This weeks workout song:

2) It's surprisingly hard to not eat junk. Well, let me qualify that: unless you are starting from zero. Meaning, if you have no, zip, none food in your house and don't have third generation depression-era attitudes about food engrained into your brain. Specifically, 'you don't waste food, if you have it you eat it, you don't know if you'll have it again.' And it's not like my house is full of real junk food. But, if there's bread, pasta, cereal or salt laden crackers, that's what I've been eating. My brain won't allow me to just throw all that stuff out and start over. So, the eating is going to be a process of gradual change. I hate gradual anything. But, I guess it's better than gradual death, so there's that.

Smoking update: Yea, I broke again and smoked some cigarettes. I fell pray to that ridiculously persuasive voice in my head that again convinced me that I will be a monster, unable to function in society or interact with fellow humans if I don't have just one cigarette. "Just one. Well, now that you've had one, go ahead and have two. You know that the pack was six dollars so finish it." I just have to be stronger.

Shirt Showcase: One of the shirts that I want to wear again is an X-Files shirt (see it above). It's black. On the front it says X-Files in little letters on the chest and on the back is a graphic and the episode title Jose Chung's From Outer Space. I got this shirt in Omaha in 1998. I was the coolest nerd in Kearney, Nebraska when I wore that shirt.