I have never seen the point of raking leaves. On one's lawn specifically. Why do we bother with this yearly ritual?

In my limited Google-based research on the subject, the only real reasons for raking leaves is to avoid smothering the lawn and/or to avoid the growth of an evil grass-killing mold. But, both of those are only applicable if the grass is covered completely by a lot of leaves. All fall and winter. And, of course, if you care about your lawn. Which I don't.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the importance of curb appeal. I don't want to live in a trash-house. I like my yard to look nice, and I understand that it benefits the neighbourhood. I believe in that part of the Broken Windows Theory. When we give up on the little cosmetic things, it makes it easier for the big things to go bad.

But I still think lawns are pointless. I will pave mine over if I get the chance. OK, fine. I can hear my wife's eyes roll from here. I wouldn't mind a xeriscaped yard like people in desert climates. Rocks and cacti; that'd be great. However, I do have two growing kids that may need their own cars soon. So I could make a pretty good case for paving over the grass in favor of more off-street parking. Unless we get transporter technology perfected before my son turns 16.

Even the great sage Adam Conover on Adam Ruins Everythingsays that the modern American lawn is pointless. It's made up of plants that are not native to this continent and uses too much water for no real return. Plus they are dumb. I kind of wish I could let my land return to native prairie plants without the side-eye from my fellow street people. I mean people that live on my street, not street people. I'd still cut it short, I mean, who doesn't like firing up the weed-trimmer and chopping things up?

moodboard/ThinkStock

But, back to leaves. I would take raking leaves more serious if we raked the forest. Every time I'm tricked into spending time outside during the fall, there are leaves everywhere. The great outdoors stays great year after year, even though nobody is dragging a giant comb over hill and dale.

I'm all for encasing my house under a dome. It could be made from glass or a forcefield. Maybe transparent aluminum (Hello computer)? A dome that would keep all the leaves and dirt and bugs away from me would be great.

Until we get to the domed utopia of Sioux Falls' future, how about we all just agree to not care about leaves. If we all just get our Frozen on and let it go, we could change the culture. If we all just stop raking leaves, soon no one will have to rake leaves. Let's let the wind do the heavy lifting this fall. I'm sure we can come up with other uses for those giant paper bags.

And yes, this whole thing is about me trying to get out of raking my lawn.

 


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