Gwyneth Paltrow

It's that time of year when Gwyneth Paltrow emerges from her fortified vegetable crisper and makes the press rounds. This weekend, that included an interview with the UK's The Guardian, where she expounded upon her struggles as a youth, dropped a few names, and made us all feel our diets are crap compared to hers. You know, the usual.

Proving that she probably has never frequented the same strip clubs as her BFF Jay-Z, Gwyneth Paltrow compared herself to a 22-year-old stripper because of her workouts with Tracy Anderson.

If you haven't already heard, Gwyneth Paltrow has a new no meat, no dairy, no sugar, no wheat cookbook out called 'It's All Good.' Spoilers: It's not. Not only does said book reduce you to eating the grass clippings from your lawnmower, but to cook from it for a day would set you back $300. No, that's not an error, and no, you didn't just get dizzy because you've reduced yourself to a vegan, soy-

Gwyneth Paltrow is really glad that we're all rolling in cash despite being in the midst of the worst recession since the Great Depression, and she's celebrating in style. The GOOP shiller has a few ideas for cute, cazh spring outfits -- absolute must-haves -- that only cost a total of about half a million dollars.

Jessica Alba has a new book, 'The Honest Life: Living Naturally and True to You,' which she thinks might fare better with the common man than whatever Queen Gwyneth Paltrow has to say on the subject.

If Gwyneth Paltrow can't take the heat, maybe she better get outta the kitchen. Literally. The 'Iron Man' actress penned a gluten and sugar-free cookbook entitled 'It's All Good,' but the critics seem to disagree.

Gwyneth Paltrow, tired of raking in millions to be one of the most overrated actresses in Hollywood, would rather focus her time on building her own empire of expensive things no one really needs. Just like Jessica Simpson.

Gwyneth Paltrow knows her life is better than yours and reminds you of it every chance she gets. Now she's reminding us that her sex life is better than yours, too. Which is weird because she's married to the singer of Coldplay.

Apparently Madonna's warranty as bestie has expired, leading Gwyneth Paltrow to trade her in for a younger, prettier model. And why was Madge was kicked to the curb like last season's thigh-high boots? Because Gwynnie wants someone she can control nurture.