My Suspicious Groin and Other Fun Flying to Denver

On Saturday I flew to Denver to see my buddy throw out the first pitch at a Rockies game. I don't fly often. I last flew in 2014. I had never run into any issue getting through security before. This trip was not the same.

At the security checkpoint in Sioux Falls I took my turn standing in the scanner machine with my arms in the air like I am surrendering. I walk out and the screen shows a pair of yellow blocks to indicate a suspicious area of my body. One was the top of my head, which was adorned with a baseball cap. The other suspicious zone was centered over my groin. It looks like the photo below, though that was not mine.

Having been found guilty of being in possession of a suspicious package by a machine, my sentencing options are go to a private area for a strip search, get my junk rubbed and inside of my waistband checked by the guy standing in front of me, or don't go to Denver.

I didn't blame the guy. He was mildly snarky when I asked if my metal zipper might be responsible for setting it off, replying "I don't know, we'll see when I'm finished," but then again I'm not the one rubbing the back of his hand on a stranger's clothing covered genitals, so I can't say I wouldn't reply the same way.

The fondling was followed by some sort of cloth getting wiped on my hands and I knew what that meant. They were probably afraid I was touching my suspicious package.

I knew this was a test for explosive or gunpowder residue. I was a little nervous about this one, not because I was guilty of anything illegal, but I shoot guns a lot and load my own ammo and have gunpowder and other related materials in my house. I have had my carry-on with me at the range before and it was was afraid of the possibility I could have had gunpowder residue on the pack or strap which then could have been on my hand. It wasn't, I passed that test. It was time for a beer.

I eventually board the plane, sit through the flight, fortunately next to a small elderly man who didn't take up much space next to my wide shoulders so I didn't intrude on his space too badly.

Nearing the end of our flight comes a strange right turn and then a ding and the pilot speaking: "Unfortunately the Denver airport has been shut down due to microburst activity. We will be forced to divert to Fort Collins as we don't have enough fuel to circle over Denver until we can land."

Awesome! So we land at the tiny Northern Colorado Regional Airport (FNL) between Loveland and Fort Collins. It's an airport similar to but a bit larger than the Tea Airport. We taxied up to where a terminal would be but there isn't one because FNL only handles private planes, not airliners. We sit and wait along with another Frontier plane that was grounded on its way in from San Jose, and also a military Blackhawk helicopter that I am guessing had to wait on its way back to Buckley Air Force Base.

Finally after roughly two hours on the ground outside of Loveland we took off for Denver. It was a strange flight because we never more than a couple thousand feet off the ground. Denver International Airport is 44.88 miles from FNL. I checked my watch when we nosed up and again when we touched down. It was 16 minutes.

The rest of the trip was pretty sweet. My buddy picked me up at the airport. We went to his house and ate pizza and drank beer with his family, then saw him throw out the first pitch at the Rockies vs Reds game.

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