Four Petitions I Wouldn’t Be Surprised to See on a Sioux Falls Ballot

It seems like everybody is getting in on the petitions game. You can't go anywhere in Sioux Falls without being approached by a member of the clipboard brigade. There's no minor annoyance too small to demand a city-wide election. So, let's take a look at some petitions that I wouldn't be surprised if they ended up on a Sioux Falls ballot.

1. Save our Summer Weekend Petition

This petition is an effort to make the Fourth of July the first Friday in July every year.

"Sometimes the Fourth is on a Tuesday or a Wednesday and that can kind of disrupt some of our family's plans," said Ashley Somethingorother head of the Save our Summer Weekend Coalition and Book Club, "When I noticed that the Fourth is on a different day of the week each year knew I has to act. We can't let some calendar that comes from Europe dictate when Americans celebrate the Fourth of July. No matter the day or date, July Fourth must be on a Friday."

2. The Pave the Parks Initiative

In the words of this petition's creator Alfred Thatguy, "Look, I drive by this park on my way to work every day at 6:00 AM and there are never any kids playing there. And besides, I saw on TV or something, that kids today just play those Pac-Man games and live in basements. So, why do we need parks? We need parking spaces."

3. The End the Tyranny of the Weather Petition

This petition demands that the weather in Sioux Falls always be nice. Supporters of this drive want the temperature to never be above 75 or below 65, the skies have to always be blue with the a few decorative clouds and no rain or snow when it's inconvenient.

"We have lived under the thumb of the Weather Services for too long. I tell them everyday on YouTube what weather I want and they never get my order correct. It's all a conspiracy to prop up Big Forecaster," said YouTube user SooFooWxTruth.

4. Petition to Create a City-Wide No Receipt Return Policy

After a store would not give her money for some clothes she had in her house, Sherlynn Thatlady began to call for the creation of a standard return policy that would require stores to take returns without a receipt.

"I think I bought this jacket at that store, but it's clear on the East Side! Can you believe it? That's like four miles. Anyways, I was pretty sure I bought the jacket there last year. Or maybe my niece did, or I found it at the soccer fields. The point is, when I took it back to that store they would not give me any money," Thatlady said. "And they were so rude. I did everything I know how to do when I'm in a store. I cut in-front of customers, couldn't remember when or where I bought the jacket, I talked down to the employee, I started shouting and pounding on the counter and reminded them that I know the store's owner. But all I got was this jibber-jabber about receipts and policy and how the store is part of a chain that is owned by a company based in Arizona. This indignity must stop. It doesn't matter if i have proof of purchase, give me money."