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Five Things I Will Never Do

Young Girl Saying No
Clipart

Several of my friends have been posting photos of things I will never do. Honestly, some of them look like fun. I like seeing the pics and video, but I won’t do them. The reason I won’t do any of these things is because they completely terrify me.


1

Skydiving

 

 

 
Chris Evans Skydives With The Tigers Parachute Display
Getty Images

I am not afraid of heights, not in that broad of a spectrum. I am fine being in an airplane or in a 20-story building. However I am not fine at any elevation where I don’t feel completely secure and a fall would cause me to sustain serious injury. So I can sit on scaffolding twenty feet above my driveway and paint but I can’t stand on a wobbly ladder and do the same thing. That’s why riding in a plane only to intentionally jump out of it is completely out of the question.

One might ask me “what about if the plane is going to crash?” Well if there is a parachute available, yeah, then I would. But that’s not skydiving. That’s ejecting, or escaping. Skydiving is for fun. It doesn’t look fun for me to actually do.

2

Go to Space

 

 

 
NASA's Discovery Mission Continues
Getty Images/NASA

I haven’t seen Gravity or The Right Stuff. But I have seen Apollo 13 and that was enough to tell me I don’t want to go to space. Obviously it isn’t an easy thing to do right now but there could be space tourism in my lifetime. I’m not buying that ticket. In a plane you could have a parachute to use in an emergency. In space no one can hear you scream because there is no air to vibrate your vocal cords or oxygen to keep your heart ticking.

3

Swim With Sharks

 

 

 
Home & Away's Jon Sivewright Launches Manly's Shark Feed Dive
Patrick Riviere/Getty Images

Sharks don’t attack people a whole lot. Between 1958 and 2014 there were 1104 shark attacks in the U.S. (excluding Hawaii). That’s an average of less than 20 per year. But there are places where you can go “swim with sharks” as an adventure. That’s like playing Russian Roulette. No thank you!

4

Be Naked In Public Anywhere

 

 

 
Michel Porro/Getty Images
Michel Porro/Getty Images

My number one rule in life is simple: never be naked in front of a camera. With a life rule like that, I find it self-evident that being naked in public is automatically out of the question as well. I’m not interested. I’m not interested in even going to a nude beach. Sounds great, right, at least for pervy dudes. But you are just a super pervy dude if you sit there clothed and look around. I’m not doing it ever.

5

Snakes

 

 

 
clipart
clipart

I will have nothing to do with snakes. Because, snakes.

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