Ben’s Profile Journey: A Changing Mind and a Lapse
Hi, Ben here, and I’m on a mission to not be fat when I‘m 42. To do that I’ve partnered with Profile by Sanford and I want to take you with me on my journey.
I'm constantly amazed at how much changing how I think about food and myself is as much a part of this journey as changing the food itself. It's one thing, a relatively easy thing, to not eat junk and burn off some pounds. To make remake yourself in a healthy way is a bigger job. For me it's happening, thanks to Profile. The support and guidance I get from my coaches and the learning material is changing the way my mind works.
In a weird paradox, I am thinking about food more, but eating less. Looking back on my time before Profile I can now see that I didn't think about food at all, but ate all the time. Sure, I'd think about which drive-thru to hit up, or make sure we ordered enough pizzas so I could have my own and leftovers. But, I never started the day with a clear picture of what I'd be putting in my body. I use to think that that was 'dumb man, why give up my freedom with planning?'
I now know that I didn't have any freedom, I was locked into a life ruled by food. I may not eat anything for the first eight hours I was awake, but then I'd be ravenous! All my efforts world then go to eating as much of whatever. God forbid I ever have some cash on me. If I had cash money I could sneak some two for $5.00 deal, no paper trail for my wife to find and me to be embarrassed about. Oh yeah, make no mistake when I lived this life I was not proud or happy. Without a plan there were so many days I had candy and cookies for lunch, and maybe dinner. "What am I gonna eat?" was my rallying call each day.
Now, with the guidance from my Profile plan and working on changing my thinking I think about food a lot, but don't panic. I'm actually free from the daily grind of eating. I start each day with a plan. It's not a huge, complicated deal, I just quick get together my Profile stuff, pick a small veggie lunch and make a note about what to have for supper. Them I'm done! No more thinking or obsessing about food.
This mind change became very apparent to me recently when I had a lapse. I was having an unusually stressful, chaotic day. We had a sick kid that needed to go to the doc, my wife couldn't get away from work that day and I could so I took our child to the doctor. Shifting things around at work and worry, plus traveling back and forth across town, then to the pharmacy, led to a very stressful day. It was one of those day where if you're sick there is lots of dread until a professional can take a look and see what going on. All that together created a very busy morning. Which led me to take my eye of the ball. I didn't eat anything except coffee between waking up and the early afternoon.
We got home from the doctor and stuff, got the kid settled. We knew everything was going to be OK, got the medicine and were finally stopping down. I then realised I was STARVING! And there was a leftover pizza in the fridge. Normally that pizza wouldn't have even crossed my mind. I've come really far in that, again so much less obsessing. But in the exhaustion and worry an old (bad) friend reappeared in my mind and decided it'd be just fine to have a bit of pizza. That probably would have been fine. But, of course I didn't have a bit, I have a lot. Then the rest. Then I hated myself.
But! Unlike the olden days (Pre-Profile) I knew what to do. Like my coach has told me many times, 'you don't throw out a car if it gets a flat tire.' I stopped, stepped back, and calmed myself. It happened, it was over, now stop the cycle of self-hatred and move on.
It wasn't easy, but it wasn't nearly as hard as before. Yes I slipped. I knocked myself out of ketosis and had to backtrack and rebuild. But, my mind was different this time.
I did what Profile has taught me. I stopped, got calm, reviewed my progress, I got right back on plan, accepted that I happened and spent some time thinking about what led me to that place. Even in a busy, stressful situation I have to eat when I need to. I now have alarms set on my phone to remind me. I now have it at the top of my mind that a day like that can be a problem, so be on the lookout. Be mindful until it becomes second nature.
Profile is teaching me to live a new healthy life, not just lose the remnants of that old life.