8 Times Sioux Falls Showed Up in ‘The Onion’
One of my first favorite websites was The Onion. It had to be 1997 or 1998 when a coworker pointed me in the direction the satirical news site. It quickly became one of my go to internet stops. I even remember how excited I was to find a copy of the paper version at the bookstore once. All these years later I still visit regulatory. The tone of The Onion’s humor is right in my wheelhouse. It can go from just plain silly to biting social commentary.
The style of The Onion is a parody of a news site (or as it started, a parody of a newspaper). So, the fake, satirical, joke stories are all formatted and written in a news style. The writers usually choose a place in the world to set the stories, and Sioux Falls has been lucky (?) enough to be picked a few times over the years.
And a reminder to all the aunts and uncles out there: none of these are true or real news stories. It’s all fake. It’s comedy.
“Motorcyclist Salvaged For Parts”
“SIOUX FALLS, SD—Following a multiple-vehicle accident on Interstate 90 that temporarily halted traffic in both directions, sources reported Friday that a motorcyclist involved in the crash was hauled off and salvaged for parts. “That motorcyclist looked like a total loss when they brought it in here, but we were surprised by how many usable parts we were able to save,” said Donald Hill, who led the salvage efforts…” –http://www.theonion.com/article/motorcyclist-salvaged-parts
“Man’s Whole Job Undoing Handiwork Of Self-Checkout Machine”
“SIOUX FALLS, SD—Admitting that he basically just stands there until one of the stations starts blaring “unexpected item in bagging area,” local supermarket employee Andy Berenson reported Wednesday that his entire job consists of undoing the handiwork of the store’s self-checkout machines…” – theonion.com/article/mans-whole-job-undoing-handiwork-of-self-checkout
“‘Hägar The Horrible’ Cartoonist Expected More For 40th Anniversary”
“SIOUX FALLS, SD—Hägar The Horrible cartoonist Chris Browne admitted Thursday that he was disappointed with the lack of attention his syndicated comic received on its 40th anniversary…” –theonion.com/article/hagar-the-horrible-cartoonist-expected-more-for
“Modern-Day Martin Luther Nails 95 Comment Cards To IHOP Door”
“SIOUX FALLS, SD—Managers of an area International House of Pancakes discovered 95 comment cards nailed to its front door Sunday, which were later identified as the work of local resident Ronald Lyman, a 53-year-old contractor and onetime regular customer who is calling for wide-scale reform of the venerable chain…” –theonion.com/article/modern-day-martin-luther-nails-95-comment-cards-to
“Child Blissfully Unaware Of Motel Swimming Pool’s Sordid Past”
“SIOUX FALLS, SD—Jenny Hoyer, 7, spent all Sunday afternoon playing to the point of exhaustion in the swimming pool of the Highway 90 BestInn, cheerfully ignorant of the pool’s ignominious history…” –theonion.com/article/child-blissfully-unaware-of-motel-swimming-pools
“Conspiracy Theorist Has Elaborate Explanation For Why He’s Single”
“SIOUX FALLS, SD—In light of a broken engagement two years ago, area school-bus driver and longtime conspiracy enthusiast Robert Ericsson outlined an intricate theory to reporters Tuesday to explain his failure to begin a new relationship…” –theonion.com/article/conspiracy-theorist-has-elaborate-explanation-for
“School Friends Don’t Find Camp Songs Funny”
“SIOUX FALLS, SD—Friends of fourth-grader Kendra Tyler failed to find her songs about Eagle Waters Junior Camp funny, 9-year-old classmate Tanya O’Doole reported Monday. “Kendra kept singing this one song that sounds like ‘Camptown Races,’ but it’s about some guy named Counselor Bob,” O’Doole said…” –theonion.com/article/school-friends-dont-find-camp-songs-funny
“Gym Teacher Secretly Hates Nerds”
“SIOUX FALLS, SD—In spite of a professional obligation to treat all P.E. students equally, Thorpe High School gym teacher Brad Malanga, 37, secretly hates the unathletic nerds whose forebears he bullied and ridiculed back in his own school days…” –theonion.com/article/gym-teacher-secretly-hates-nerds